fuck it I want to die

fuck it I want to die
fuck it I want to die
fuck it I want to die

that’s the loop
there’s no drop
no build up
no climax

fuck it I want to die

it pans wide
and hides in the notch
almost forgotten

fuck it I want to die

until it’s nudged back into the soundscape
by the rumble of a single seater
or the clipped gong of a wind chime

fuck it I want to die

growing and shrinking
under every crunching step
and every screaming bird

behind every shadowy door
is an angry father
with an axe or dagger
waiting to murder you

The drone you ignore

I would like to register my indignation, my outrage, and my frustration to the nearest kind voice, please.

The kind voice would hear me out, much as a shadowy uniform in an alley, or a police cap silhouetted against a painted brick wall would. And either kind or abusive it always ends in handcuffs dunnit. Handcuffs and whuppings.

And always the realization the next step won’t be the last.
Always chancing closer the shadow.

To the kind abusive voice which watches on the agony and torment stiff and hard from the alleys and walls surrounding this pit I would make it known I do not appreciate the never-ending struggle.

Purple


Purple is the color of faith
And extravagance
Purple is what I felt with you
Even after the bruising darling
I’m always purple with you


Episode Link | Archive Item | YouTube

You Can’t Be Neutral

It ain’t easy
These long trips between nowhere and doubt
Thinking of you

As the bus surges and shakes
Throwing me off balance
As soon as I find a seat and

Settle down the bus turns
Smashing me against the window
I cannot see beyond that glass

When the bus finally stops
Lurching me forward into the seats ahead
I am still no closer to an answer

The Gratzi

Main Content

I’m walking down Main street
when, at the Gratzi,
Frank Sinatra tells me
“everybody has
the right to be wrong.”

He’s right. It’s a good thing to keep in mind,
but I seldom do.
It’s hard when you’re
the one being wronged.

So, I keep walking.
He keeps carrying on,
but I don’t understand what
he’s saying. I’m busy being
worried about being wronged.

Endnotes

Update: I recently recorded this poem as a podcast.

Check out my other podcasts and poems